Time Killer and the Race Against Bordom

 

 

 

 

 

This week marked a big anniversary - It was one year ago this week that Caleb and I brought home a little fur ball and named her Eudora.  As you can imagine, this anniversary caused me to reflect back on the past and the way that things were.  That was a really really hard time for Caleb and I and I counsel all young married couples not to get dogs for at least 2-3 years after getting married.  THAT being said, Eudora is finally getting to the stage where I would clasify her as a good dog, and she just fits into our lives (because we have had to mold our lives around her for the past year...). 

 

I hope that the experience with Eudora has made me a better person.  I like to think that it has.  I know for certain that it has changed my relationship with Caleb and I am SO glad that we got a dog instead of having a baby.

 

Well, she is barking at me and so I guess I need to take her out.  Such is life...

This week has proven trying... full of stress and frustration... and feeling oh so poor. 

 

Caleb and I have been playing a real estate game called, "We Want a House!".  This has involved going on out on several occasions with a real estate agent touring houses for sale on the local market in a predefined price range.  At first we wanted to assess the market... then we started thinking seriously about what we could get with the money we had saved (which isn't much... trust me)... but then we walked into a house that was actually NICE! (That should give you a hint as to our price range).  It was small, but had a great size back year, which is important when you have a high maintenence dog.  We were so interested that we were persuaded to talk to a mortgage broker.  Can you see where this is going?

 

Anyway, we went to talk to the guy and he was really nice.  In fact, he would have given us a lot more then we were looking for.  (Thank you good credit)  However, when we got to the topic of my job, things got a little tense.  See, the banks don't really look kindly on folks who do not have full time PERMENANT work, such as myself.  In fact, the guy, in not so many words, pretty much told me to get someone to lie at my work to say that I have a different job than I do.  I don't handle stress very well, and about half way through our meeting I started to feel VERY stressed.  There are a lot more details, but the guy pretty much spelled out that we can't get a house because of my job.  Now that is pressure. 

 

I didn't sleep very well that night.  I got up the next morning feeling sick and scared.  I wanted a house, and we both really liked that house, but the timing is SO bad.  Maybe in a couple months I will have a different job (hopefully at the same place... but who knows) and we can go from there, but as for today and making THIS offer on THIS house... I just couldn't do anything about it.  It was completely out of my hands and there was nothing I could do about it.  At work I sat in my office and felt sick.  Very sick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think it was this Thursday that I got up early to take Eudora for a walk in the morning.  That is when I new that spring was right around the corner.  The air smelled different and you could hear birds singing (birds other than crows... crows don't count... neither do pigeons).  This morning E and I went for a walk and it was actually sprinkling every now and again.  We both wore our rain coats in hope of a good downpour, but I guess that isn't in the forecast until Wednesday.  It feels nice to see rain on the window, and to see the snow melting into puddles. 

 

Eudora is getting pumped for spring too.  I can tell that she is antzy about getting outside more... which is good in a way because it will get me outside and walking more.  My body is missing exercise... oddly enough.

 

In terms of deeper things, my mind has been a bit of a blank slate recently.  Work has been fairly demanding the past couple of weeks and I usually come home and try to think as little as possible.  I really enjoy that my mind is being stretched at work, but I miss being able to hold down an internal conversation with myself.  All I can manage recently is enough brain power to ask myself a question and then I zone out.  Not cool.

 

Without being able to think through any of my actions, I am beginning to feel like I am just going through the motions of life.  I am following routines and going with what is expected of me.  For example, today is Saturday.  Instead of thinking through what I would like to do today, I think, "Laundry needs to get done.  House needs to be cleaned and dusted.  We need groceries.  Bathroom needs scrubbing." You get my point.  These are the things that are expected of me from either myself or others on a day off.  This state of mind wouldn't be so bad (well, it is easy anyway), until it comes to days like tomorrow.  Sunday.  The day that demands attention and serious thought.  This is where the floater state of mind doesn't help... because deep in my mind, my convictions and my being cry out against just following along.  For example, "Get to the church early for music practice.  Participate in church service.  Have fellowship (lunch).  Go to Sunday night meeting."  These are some of the things that are expected of me on Sundays, but my brain refuses to go quietly.  I am not in the mood to go through what my mind is saying at each step in the day, but I will say that by the end of the day I am either angry or extremely mentally exhausted. 

 

I am trying to be careful about complaining in this circumstance.  I do NOT wish that my brain would just shut up.  In fact, it is quite the opposite - I wish it would talk to me more.  I want to get my interanl dialogue back, because I am beginning to see that my internal dialogue reminds me what is important to me.  Without it, all I am doing is going through the motions.

Hey Everyone!!  It's March!!  Where did JANUARY AND FEBRUARY GO!?!?!

 

Hopefully you gathered from my introductory sentence that I am having a hard time believing that it is really March 5, 2007.  Time stops for no man or woman I guess, but I can't help but think of all the time last summer that I sat wishing time away.  If someone could bottle time for me that would be awesome.  Sprinkle 15 min here and there... maybe a full day if you were lucky.  Anywho...

 

The exciting news is that my job has been extended until June and that is simply terrific!  I am so greatful to have such a great job with great co-workers.  I like my job a lot and hope to be there for as long as they will keep me.

 

Other big news is that Caleb and I have seriously started looking for houses... not REALLY serious though.  We don't have a mortgage or anything, but we have been to a couple houses to assess the market.  It has been a great learning experience for shizz.

 

Now, as for a pressing matter of business...  I feel I must address the recent attack on my person from my husband as regards my complete refusal to develop a Facebook account.  As if I need another way to kill time...  I don't.  I just don't want one!  Is that so hard to believe?  So my husband has set up an account for people to join if they think I should make myself a Facebook account.  I can't tell you where it is to check out or anything since I know as little about it as possible.  I don't think I need to announce any huge reason I don't have an account - I just don't and I am ok with it.

 

That is all.